Protection
School Bullying: What Parents Can Demand, and in What Order
Most children will experience verbal, physical, or cyberbullying at some point, but parents should recognise the difference between occasional playground conflicts and persistent bullying. The US government defines bullying among school-aged children as "unwanted, aggressive behaviour" involving a real or perceived power imbalance, repeated or with the potential to be repeated, over time.
What this piece covers
Professional guidance confirms the distinction between bullying and typical disagreement. Conflict is a mutual struggle or argument in which both parties express their views, usually with a relatively equal balance of power. In contrast, bullying is a negative behaviour directed by someone who exerts power and control over another person, with the victim finding it difficult to defend themselves. The Welsh Government, for instance, defines bullying as "behaviour by an individual or group, repeated over time, which intentionally hurts others either physically or emotionally."
School counselling resources similarly explain that while conflicts are typical youth arguments where both sides are able to stand up for themselves, bullying is characterized by intentional, repeated, one-sided harmful acts.
Understanding this difference will help parents to explain to their children that they are not just being mean girls or lads, but may even be bullying. It's important for parents to not only understand whether their child is experiencing bullying or conflict, but also to communicate the difference to trusted adults like their child’s teacher, or, if necessary, an external authority.
What the law and guidance say schools must do about bullying
By law, all state schools in England must have a behaviour policy that explicitly includes measures to prevent and respond to all forms of bullying. This policy is a key part of the legal duties schools have to encourage good behaviour and respect. Under the Education and Inspections Act 2006, the school's governance body decides on the policy and must share it with teachers, pupils and parents. Consequently, parents can reasonably point to this legal document as establishing the school’s obligations.
The government’s own guidance stresses the importance of clear communication with parents, explaining that schools should implement the policy transparently and make it easy for parents to understand what measures the school is taking to stop bullying, and who is responsible for ensuring it. In addition to preventing bullying, the policy should put processes in place to respond to bullying that does occur. Parental visibility of an active, visible anti-bullying policy will signal to bullying pupils that their abusive actions are not acceptable.
In Northern Ireland, the law is clear that a child’s school must have a discipline policy that covers bullying, and that the school has an explicit duty to do “all that is reasonably possible” to protect children from bullying.
Some forms of bullying amount to criminal behaviour. The government states that bullying involving "harassment or intimidation" or a "hate crime" should be reported to the police. The police may investigate cases where pupils are repeatedly subjected to name-calling, threats, abusive communications, or racially or religiously aggravated behaviour.
First steps for parents: raising concerns and creating a paper trail
If a child is being bullied, parents should speak to the school as soon as possible. Delaying an initial report to the school may weaken a later valid complaint, as it may be more difficult to recall events or demonstrate a pattern of behaviour. In consequence, if the child’s teacher or any other school personnel say they are aware of the bullying, ask the school what steps, if any, are being taken to stop it, and whether they think it is developmentally appropriate for the child to continue to be required to attend. They may not have reacted in the way a parent expects, but documenting their response is essential if the matter comes to disciplinary procedures or even a formal complaint.
While initially raising your concerns with the teacher and/or a senior member of staff is important, it is crucial to follow the issue up in writing, at least by email. This achieves several objectives: - It records a clear and specific statement of the bullying, ideally with dates and any supporting documentation (e.g. messages, witness statements, physical evidence) - It asks for a response and sets out a time for that response - It provides a posture of communication and cooperation but makes clear that this is a serious matter and that you expect performance - By using official communication channels, you are giving the school, and its leaders, an opportunity to see the seriousness of the issue
The formal complaint should state that the child’s behaviour or educational performance has been damaged by their experience, and that the parents expect major changes to address the bullying. The buck does not stop with the teacher, so senior leadership should also be considered in the email.
Any documentation from the school or its managers on dealing with your concerns should be kept, as evidence of communication, or, later, as proof that the school did not do what it said it would.
Formal escalation when the school response is not enough
If initial approaches to the school have not brought satisfactory action, parents should follow the formal complaints procedure. This procedure will be outlined in the school’s own policy, and may be available to parents on request or the school’s website.
A formal complaint should be in writing, and can be by email. It should be addressed to the headteacher or the head of a specific department, if that person seems more appropriate for dealing with the complaint. The complaint should:
- State clearly the nature of the bullying
- Include specific incidents or events
- State who witnesses are (avoid naming any pupils, and refer to them as, for example, "pupil 1", "pupil 2")
- Explain how the bullying has affected the child’s educational or social performance or wellbeing
- Ask for a deadline for the school’s response, and for details of the next step if the parents are not satisfied with the initial response
When the governing body is made aware of bullying concerns, it will typically ask the headteacher to address the issues and report back. The headteacher may inquire whether the matter has been raised with the school’s leadership, and if not, will expect parents, along with the child, to set out a detailed account.
If the governing body feels there are serious questions, it may consider a full investigation. Such an inquiry will look at whether the school’s anti-bullying policy was followed, and whether staff had acted reasonably to keep the child safe. The investigation will also look into what the bullying behaviour was, and if it broke any criminal laws—bullying that amounts to a hate crime, for example, would be referred to the police. If necessary, the governing body may also commission an independent inquiry, especially where there have been allegations of misconduct by school staff.
The final step in Wales is to take a complaint to the local education authority. This may be less relevant in England than in Wales, but it does set out a useful maximum point of escalation for parents, and gives some sense of direction for how to pursue a complaint within the system. In England, the senior complaints department of the council might have a process similar to pupil discipline for a Special School, or for purposes possibly subject to Ofsted’s National Minimum Standards.
Parents are also entitled to challenge certain school decisions, such as suspensions or permanent exclusions, and to ask for a meeting with the head teacher if they disagree with a school’s decision. For certain types of decision, parents may also be able to challenge them through further review.
When bullying crosses into criminal behaviour
If a child being bullied is subjected to "harassment or intimidation", a "hate crime", or is repeatedly sent "threatening or abusive" messages, emails, or texts, parents should report it straight to the police. These are heinous, damaging acts of bullying that have left psychological scars on vulnerable victims, perhaps even put them in fear of physical harm. It has been observed that some of the most vulnerable young people, many of whom are LGBTQ, have unfortunately died by suicide or been hospitalised for self-harm after being bullied by other children.
It's also important to remember that no form of criminalisation can negate the actions of a school that turns a blind eye or worse towards serious bullying or harassment against a certain category of children.
Notes
[1] GOV.UK government information on bullying, the law, what to do, and support for your child. Updated 21 August 2026. https://www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school [3] Frisco ISD meanwhile focusses more on the behavioural aspects and whether they impact "health, safety, or education", section 3. The welfare of the victim, or its impact on their well-being, is emphasised as the bottom line. [5] nidirect is part of the Northern Ireland government, and covers information for parents about the law, how to complain and how to keep records: search for "Parental Rights" or similar [6] Robson Forensic advises schools in this paper, and identifies as experts in this field [7] https://www.connectinglink.com/blog/bullying_or_conflict This page also links to a schematic you can use to work out whether an incident is bullying or conflict. [9] https://www.antibullyingalliance.org.uk/, August 2026 [10] FamilyInfo describes the complaint process which parents can use, and refers to the Factsheet on exclusion to demonstrate the seriousness of exclusion as one possible outcome of victimisation. [12] Statutory instrument 2039 passed under section 89 of the Education and Inspections Act 2006 requires maintained schools under this obligation. There is also a non-statutory kit by the Anti-Bullying Alliance, here https://www.antibullyingalliance.org.uk/system/files/files/all-website-anti-bullying-information-toolkit-for-parents-and-carers.pdf, and a DfE website page on anti-bullying. [13] This is another point where a parent might think an email or phone call is sufficient, when they should be speaking to the school about what happened. [14] This advice specifically refers to fixed-term exclusions, but these represent a drop in the ocean by comparison to the type of exclusion of students that's more common, and that is exclusion from lessons [15] For parents and carers, The Welsh Government website includes a section for parents.